Danes are jovial, plump and eat red hot dogs. Germans are efficient and travel around in motor homes packed with beer and hermetic food, while the Finns are sauna-sitting by one of their 60.000 lakes – around the clock – in absolute silence. Are Norwegians’ stereotypical views on our closest European neighbors wrong , or do they reflect reality?
Swedes eat almost exclusively pickled herring
Swedes live in red wooden houses, always with the blue and yellow flag hoisted outside. They eat endless variations of pickled herring while they listen to dance band music or ABBA – and Swedes that do not live in their home country are working in Norwegian hotels and bars.
Norwegians are looking at Swedes as systematic and little spontaneous. We are annoyed that they do not understand any Norwegian, while we understand Swedish perfectly.
The Danes’ favorite food
The Danes spend most of the day (except the two hours they actually work) at vintage inns. They are eating red hot dogs and drinking beer straight from brown bottles. A typical Dane is jovial, plump and love Norwegians. Because of low prices and general Danish hospitality, 50% of us visit Denmark during summer holidays.
The Danish language is completely incomprehensible, but we are convinced that they love us. However – rumors tell that they have got their own name for Norwegians; “Mountain monkeys”.
Most Finns spend their whole life here
Norwegians know nothing about Finland. This may be because the language is more closely related to Mongolian than Germanic. Finns are introvert and wary of strangers, with tall beautiful women and less-attractive, skeptical men.
They spend all their time in saunas, located by a lake drinking home brewed “Vodka”. When they get overheated, they throw themselves into frozen lakes while swearing in Finnish. (The only word Norwegians understand is the profanity “Perkele”)
Icelandic men are always going cod fishing
Norwegians love Iceland and the Icelanders, even though almost no one has been there or know anyone from the windswept rock in the middle of the North Atlantic Ocean. We regard the natives as Norwegian because we colonized the saga island approximately 1400 years ago. The language sounds very Norwegian, but we have difficulties understanding it.
Icelandic men are always going cod fishing (of course wearing typical Icelandic knitted sweaters), while the women are governing the country.
Where Germans live and stay while visiting Norway
We love and hate the Germans: Love them because they think Norway is the most beautiful country in the world, and hate them because they do not spend any money when coming here on holiday. They are efficient people, traveling in motor homes packed with beer, schnapps and hermetic food – and when they return, they have filled up the freezers with illegally caught fish.
German men have large stomachs, while women always are sitting in 80s folding camping chairs.
Where Norwegian men spend most of their time visiting U.K.
Norwegians love English football which is the main reason why we love Englishmen: They actually know how to play soccer. Norwegian women go to London for shopping, while the men are visiting local pubs watching soccer and having a few pints.
Englishmen are small, pale – or have got serious sunburn, and have an ironic sense of humor.
Frenchmen love wine and gourmet food
As a Norwegian you love Paris, but can not stand the French. They are culinarian snobs who always drink prestigious wine. Some Frenchmen are traveling to Norway in their motor homes, but luckily they do not stay for long.
Because of Gerard Depardieu, we believe that many French people have big noses.
Belgians and Dutch
All Dutch own at least one pair of skates
For a Norwegian, Belgium and the Netherlands are about the same country: A flat area the size of a postage stamp located somewhere between France and Germany.
Dutch people are fond of singing groups, biking and skating. They smoke marijuana daily and are surrounded by thousands of prostitutes.
Belgians however, we know absolutely nothing about…
Polish women are colorful
Only Norwegians who are married to Polish women have actually been to Poland, while almost all Poles have moved to Norway as construction workers.
We recognize Poles on the street because they wear clothes from the 80s and because the women always wear high heels and use too much green mascara.
Text by: Thor Lanesskog, ThorNews
Illustrating photos by: asouthernbellein.com/(ABBA pickled herring), vg.no (Danish red sausages), kivirannanlomamokit.fi (Finish sauna), regjeringen.no (Cod fishing), vg.no (German motor home), akam.no (English pub), perine.org (French wine), Yoran Staas (Canal skating), makeupbychelsea0106.blogspot.no/ (Green mascara)